I remember many years ago my friend telling me that she asked her Mum if she had ever given her Dad a blow job. Her Mum did not know what a blow job was so my friend had to describe the act to her very horrified mother – the answer was NO, her Mum had never given her dad a blowjob.
I have just been listening to The Interview on the BBC world service which today featured a former trader in the city of London who has recently published an expose on life in the city including experiences of drugs, strip joints, etc. He said he had asked his parents not to read the book and told them it was too “racy” for them. That got me thinking about how as adults we discuss sex with our parents.
When I started this blog, I told my Mum I was blogging about sex...she smiled shyly and asked no questions. I was satisfied, at least she knows, so if someone says “Ei, do you know what your daughter is doing” she can say “Yes”. The other day I said to her “the blog is quite saucy” to which she replied “so where can I access it” and I said “I’ll show you” but I haven’t...
As for my Dad, I haven’t even mentioned my blog to him. He will probably ask me to log on to the site straightaway so he can read the blog...
I am curious about others. Do you discuss sex with your parents? Would you want to? Do you want to know if your parents have sex? Is it none of your business?
Nana Darkoa
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Fantasising: Sick or not?
My last post has had one of the fewest responses ever...it took over a week to get a second comment (and what a great comment that was). I was speaking to Mr L during the week and I said to him:
“Hardly anyone has commented on my last blog about women’s fantasies, I wonder why”
and he said
“Either their fantasies are too sick or they are scared they will be found out”.
This raised several questions in my mind:
“Hardly anyone has commented on my last blog about women’s fantasies, I wonder why”
and he said
“Either their fantasies are too sick or they are scared they will be found out”.
This raised several questions in my mind:
- What kinds of fantasies are too sick to be written down?
- Isn’t that the whole point of fantasising, to be as sick as you want?
- What are sick fantasies?
- Do your fantasies have to come true?
- Are your fantasies not as enjoyable once they become reality?
- Do you have any fantasties?
Your thoughts?
Nana Darkoa
Saturday, March 21, 2009
My Secret Garden: African women's sexual fantasies
Ages ago a male friend told me about a book he had read, "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. According to him the book was a real turn on so off I trotted to the bookshop and bought myself a copy. Personally I didn't find the book a huge turn on but I appreciated the project Ms Friday had embarked on and that was to document women's fantasties. As is often the case with the books on sexuality I have come across the women featured were North American and English (I also get the impression that most of them were white). There is a comment she makes in her preface which I so agree with:
"In trying to understand what it is to be a woman neither nationality nor class helps define us so much as the honesty of our feelings about ourselves and our desires"
Friday was motivated to compile the sexual fantasies of women when she revealed her own sexual fantasy to her hitherto liberated lover...after he had asked her during sex "what are you thinking?" (how often do you get asked this question or ask it yourself? I get asked and also ask often)his reaction was to get up, put on his clothing and leave.
Friday found women's fantasties fall into mainly 16 principal themes. I cannot list all 16 here but the list included:
Annonymity - sex where for one reason or the other the face/body/image of the other person is not revealed
The Audience - sex with other people watching
Other women - sex with other women
When it comes to fantasies I sometimes struggle. I have found guys often ask "what's your fantasy?" in a bid to help you realise your fantasties but for me that is a difficulty. The fantasy might not even involve the guy in question at all! I suspect that the fantasy may be more enjoyable than the reality. Am I wrong? Has anyone realised their fantasies and thought "that was out of this world". In case you're wondering my fantasy would be for some girl on girl action.
Can we start our very own secret garden? What are your fantasies? Please list them in the comments field. Guys if you want to list your fantasties just indicate you're male so we can disaggregate by gender.
Nana Darkoa
"In trying to understand what it is to be a woman neither nationality nor class helps define us so much as the honesty of our feelings about ourselves and our desires"
Friday was motivated to compile the sexual fantasies of women when she revealed her own sexual fantasy to her hitherto liberated lover...after he had asked her during sex "what are you thinking?" (how often do you get asked this question or ask it yourself? I get asked and also ask often)his reaction was to get up, put on his clothing and leave.
Friday found women's fantasties fall into mainly 16 principal themes. I cannot list all 16 here but the list included:
Annonymity - sex where for one reason or the other the face/body/image of the other person is not revealed
The Audience - sex with other people watching
Other women - sex with other women
When it comes to fantasies I sometimes struggle. I have found guys often ask "what's your fantasy?" in a bid to help you realise your fantasties but for me that is a difficulty. The fantasy might not even involve the guy in question at all! I suspect that the fantasy may be more enjoyable than the reality. Am I wrong? Has anyone realised their fantasies and thought "that was out of this world". In case you're wondering my fantasy would be for some girl on girl action.
Can we start our very own secret garden? What are your fantasies? Please list them in the comments field. Guys if you want to list your fantasties just indicate you're male so we can disaggregate by gender.
Nana Darkoa
Friday, March 20, 2009
Sex education for adults?
Today I delivered a guest lecture to students at a 6th form college and one of them came up to me and said "Are you the same person who writes on the blog Adventures from"? My response was of course "Yes" but it got me thinking...
A fellow blogger was saying to me a few days ago that I should designate my blog as an adult site. He made me laugh because he was like "I can't read about that...", "you can't read about what exactly"? was my response. He replied "you know what I mean, don't drill me". I laughed because he did not even want to mention the word sex. I understood though, there is a huge silence when it comes to sex. The silence is even more deafening when you move outside what is expected to be the norm, when you consider diverse sexualities, when you focus on pleasureable sex for women and when you advocate for comprehensive sex education.
So back to the student who had read my blog. I asked him after the lecture, "So, how old are you?", "17" he responded. "I am only asking because you read my blog". "I shall be 18 this year" was his response as he headed off to the next college activity.
Hmm, plenty for me to think about. When I started this blog I had as my target audience women, primarily African women. I hadn't thought of an age bracket though, but if I had envisaged one I would have said 20+. What I have realised though is I have quite a few male readers and it appears some young readers too. In my mind this can only be a good thing. Afterall young people have access to porn, right wing thought and some pretty scary information on the net. I think of my blog as Sex education for adults. One of my friends though said it's porn.
What are your thoughts? Is this blog sex education for adults? Porn? A site for African women to share experiences? (my initial mission) Is this site suitable for teenagers? Should it be? Should I designate it as an adult site?
A fellow blogger was saying to me a few days ago that I should designate my blog as an adult site. He made me laugh because he was like "I can't read about that...", "you can't read about what exactly"? was my response. He replied "you know what I mean, don't drill me". I laughed because he did not even want to mention the word sex. I understood though, there is a huge silence when it comes to sex. The silence is even more deafening when you move outside what is expected to be the norm, when you consider diverse sexualities, when you focus on pleasureable sex for women and when you advocate for comprehensive sex education.
So back to the student who had read my blog. I asked him after the lecture, "So, how old are you?", "17" he responded. "I am only asking because you read my blog". "I shall be 18 this year" was his response as he headed off to the next college activity.
Hmm, plenty for me to think about. When I started this blog I had as my target audience women, primarily African women. I hadn't thought of an age bracket though, but if I had envisaged one I would have said 20+. What I have realised though is I have quite a few male readers and it appears some young readers too. In my mind this can only be a good thing. Afterall young people have access to porn, right wing thought and some pretty scary information on the net. I think of my blog as Sex education for adults. One of my friends though said it's porn.
What are your thoughts? Is this blog sex education for adults? Porn? A site for African women to share experiences? (my initial mission) Is this site suitable for teenagers? Should it be? Should I designate it as an adult site?
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Guest Blogger Ms Money Penny: Love your body and have great sex!
The quality of sex you have with your lover/partner can be greatly improved by the amount of self confidence you have which comes from amongst other things, loving your body.
I personally can share a few experiences.
It is not that I didn’t love my body in the past; it is just that I didn’t really pay much attention.
As the years have gone by and various things have happened I have paid more attention to my body, negatives and positives and listened to what various lovers, male friends and acquaintances have had to say about me. Honestly, I wish I had maximized my assets when I was younger, however it is never too late to start afresh.
As a result of my new found self- appreciation, I am more confident, feel sexy most of the time and dress accordingly.
My lover senses this air of confidence and sexiness and this translates into fantastic love-making sessions. Also, because we don’t take ourselves too seriously (we are not performing for the camera) we laugh after our prolonged moaning and groaning and I am not self-conscious about walking naked in from of him.
In summary, no matter the hang-ups we may have about our bodies, we should work with what we have and be happy. Not only will we feel great, but we will have better sex and that has got to be a good thing.
Ms Money Penny
I personally can share a few experiences.
It is not that I didn’t love my body in the past; it is just that I didn’t really pay much attention.
As the years have gone by and various things have happened I have paid more attention to my body, negatives and positives and listened to what various lovers, male friends and acquaintances have had to say about me. Honestly, I wish I had maximized my assets when I was younger, however it is never too late to start afresh.
As a result of my new found self- appreciation, I am more confident, feel sexy most of the time and dress accordingly.
My lover senses this air of confidence and sexiness and this translates into fantastic love-making sessions. Also, because we don’t take ourselves too seriously (we are not performing for the camera) we laugh after our prolonged moaning and groaning and I am not self-conscious about walking naked in from of him.
In summary, no matter the hang-ups we may have about our bodies, we should work with what we have and be happy. Not only will we feel great, but we will have better sex and that has got to be a good thing.
Ms Money Penny
Friday, March 13, 2009
Sex outside the bedroom
Over dinner and drinks with my girlfriends yesterday the subject turned to men and sex. In terms of our sexual "tastes" the menu was diverse. There was of course:
- The "sex and sexuality blogger", yours truly
- The " I've got to have it two times a day", at least and "Oh, I have whole body orgasms"
- The " I really can't be bothered about sex"
- The "I love to play" and I'm heading to the sex shop soon with my current playmate for some toys
- The "I love sex but not having any" since my relationship ended
What are your sexual tastes? One of my girlfriend's gave us a good laugh when she told us about having sex in a car on the Sphintex road (now for all my international readers, Sphintex is probably one of the busiest and most congested roads in Accra). We were all just thinking "You are so lucky that you did not get caught by the police". Has anybody been caught having sex in public by the law or anyone else?
That got me thinking, outside the bedroom where have you had your most risque sexual encounters? As usual I shall start with myself.
- On the veranda of the Busua Beach Resort
- In a car parked in the driveway of my home
- In a car parked in the yard of my lover's house (I notice there's a car theme emerging here), I obviously need to become more adventurous
Do add your own list to the comments field.
Nana Darkoa
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Guest Blogger Ms MoneyPenny on "Making Love versus Having Sex"
I met Dark Skinned Brother (DSB) on a night out with friends and immediately our conversation was underpinned with sexual undertones.
He was confident, strong, bold and very sexy. His voice always got to me…..deep and velvety smooth…
There were times when we made love and it was beyond the physical……
Sometimes we fucked, fast and furious, satisfying the animal urges within us.
We had sex in public places, laughing throughout the whole experience and sometimes we just hugged and slept in each other’s arms.
The lesson I learnt from my relationship with DSB was that when you are in tune with someone, on all levels of human existence (which we were), it doesn’t matter what kind of sex you have. You will always feel fulfilled and satisfied …
Ms Moneypenny
He was confident, strong, bold and very sexy. His voice always got to me…..deep and velvety smooth…
There were times when we made love and it was beyond the physical……
Sometimes we fucked, fast and furious, satisfying the animal urges within us.
We had sex in public places, laughing throughout the whole experience and sometimes we just hugged and slept in each other’s arms.
The lesson I learnt from my relationship with DSB was that when you are in tune with someone, on all levels of human existence (which we were), it doesn’t matter what kind of sex you have. You will always feel fulfilled and satisfied …
Ms Moneypenny
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Happy International Women's Day!
In a few minutes it will be International Women's Day (that's assuming you live in the same time zone as I do). On this day I wish for all women:
- The right to safer sex
- The right to an orgasm. Heck! the right to multiple orgasms...
- The right to let go of all cultural and social taboos that restrict and limit women's sexualities
Nana Darkoa
Sunday, March 1, 2009
On Anal Sex, Pornography and Sex Toys
One of the commenter’s on a previous post wanted to know our thoughts on anal sex, pornography and sex toys. I can’t speak for Abena so as usual I shall speak for myself.
Anal Sex – I have tried it once and I’m not a big fan. I may even go so far to say never again. Saying that, I don’t think the real issue was the act itself but the emotional context in which the act took place. At the time I was in the dying stages of a relationship and my partner at the time decided that the one thing he wanted was to have anal sex with me, He badgered me until I agreed (needless to say I have outgrown consenting to acts that I am not 100% up for). So he started, got about halfway through and then started crying, “I’m so sorry”. I ended up comforting him, “Don’t worry, its fine” but I was the one who ended up with a sore arse.
On the other hand one of my girlfriend raves about the joys of anal sex (I am sure she will not mind me paraphrasing her here). She and her boyfriend decided “Yep, we want to try anal” and so she did her research... bought the best lubes on the market, bought an anal dildo to practice with and away they went. According to her you can get the most amazing sensations from anal sex. However, she’s the only friend who has told me about her experiences of anal sex. I am interested in the opinion of other women. Are you like me? Do you think never again, not in a million years or do you think Yep, greatest thing since cunninlingus?
Pornography – I have mixed feelings about pornography. From having read people like Andrea Dworkin I know that there is a school of thought that believes pornography encourages rape and sexual violence. I am also concerned that there are millions of women who are trafficked, abused and exploited in the sex industry (of which pornography is a part). Another concern is that the majority of pornography is made for the male gaze, so shot in ways that are more likely to titillate men...what is up with shoving humongous dicks in the face of women or spraying semen all over a woman’s face? That is definitely not a turn for me. I have watched pornography though, on my own and with partners (With one partner we ended up throwing away all the videos because I started over analyzing the scenes) A friend once gave me some lesbian porn which I thought was incredibly erotic (I tell you I was sad to give those DVDs back). I have also researched some women friendly porn videos – shot by women and for the woman’s gaze, so designed to please women. No sperm shots here.
Sex toys – I love sex toys! Really I don’t have much to say on the subject except the rabbit is the best invention ever. Tip for the ladies – when you and your partner are having sex doggy style hold the ears of the rabbit against your clit. You will have the best orgasm of your life ever! At least, that always works for me.
Nana Darkoa
Anal Sex – I have tried it once and I’m not a big fan. I may even go so far to say never again. Saying that, I don’t think the real issue was the act itself but the emotional context in which the act took place. At the time I was in the dying stages of a relationship and my partner at the time decided that the one thing he wanted was to have anal sex with me, He badgered me until I agreed (needless to say I have outgrown consenting to acts that I am not 100% up for). So he started, got about halfway through and then started crying, “I’m so sorry”. I ended up comforting him, “Don’t worry, its fine” but I was the one who ended up with a sore arse.
On the other hand one of my girlfriend raves about the joys of anal sex (I am sure she will not mind me paraphrasing her here). She and her boyfriend decided “Yep, we want to try anal” and so she did her research... bought the best lubes on the market, bought an anal dildo to practice with and away they went. According to her you can get the most amazing sensations from anal sex. However, she’s the only friend who has told me about her experiences of anal sex. I am interested in the opinion of other women. Are you like me? Do you think never again, not in a million years or do you think Yep, greatest thing since cunninlingus?
Pornography – I have mixed feelings about pornography. From having read people like Andrea Dworkin I know that there is a school of thought that believes pornography encourages rape and sexual violence. I am also concerned that there are millions of women who are trafficked, abused and exploited in the sex industry (of which pornography is a part). Another concern is that the majority of pornography is made for the male gaze, so shot in ways that are more likely to titillate men...what is up with shoving humongous dicks in the face of women or spraying semen all over a woman’s face? That is definitely not a turn for me. I have watched pornography though, on my own and with partners (With one partner we ended up throwing away all the videos because I started over analyzing the scenes) A friend once gave me some lesbian porn which I thought was incredibly erotic (I tell you I was sad to give those DVDs back). I have also researched some women friendly porn videos – shot by women and for the woman’s gaze, so designed to please women. No sperm shots here.
Sex toys – I love sex toys! Really I don’t have much to say on the subject except the rabbit is the best invention ever. Tip for the ladies – when you and your partner are having sex doggy style hold the ears of the rabbit against your clit. You will have the best orgasm of your life ever! At least, that always works for me.
Nana Darkoa
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