On Anal Sex, Pornography and Sex Toys

One of the commenter’s on a previous post wanted to know our thoughts on anal sex, pornography and sex toys. I can’t speak for Abena so as usual I shall speak for myself.

Anal Sex – I have tried it once and I’m not a big fan. I may even go so far to say never again. Saying that, I don’t think the real issue was the act itself but the emotional context in which the act took place. At the time I was in the dying stages of a relationship and my partner at the time decided that the one thing he wanted was to have anal sex with me, He badgered me until I agreed (needless to say I have outgrown consenting to acts that I am not 100% up for). So he started, got about halfway through and then started crying, “I’m so sorry”. I ended up comforting him, “Don’t worry, its fine” but I was the one who ended up with a sore arse.

On the other hand one of my girlfriend raves about the joys of anal sex (I am sure she will not mind me paraphrasing her here). She and her boyfriend decided “Yep, we want to try anal” and so she did her research... bought the best lubes on the market, bought an anal dildo to practice with and away they went. According to her you can get the most amazing sensations from anal sex. However, she’s the only friend who has told me about her experiences of anal sex. I am interested in the opinion of other women. Are you like me? Do you think never again, not in a million years or do you think Yep, greatest thing since cunninlingus?

Pornography – I have mixed feelings about pornography. From having read people like Andrea Dworkin I know that there is a school of thought that believes pornography encourages rape and sexual violence. I am also concerned that there are millions of women who are trafficked, abused and exploited in the sex industry (of which pornography is a part). Another concern is that the majority of pornography is made for the male gaze, so shot in ways that are more likely to titillate men...what is up with shoving humongous dicks in the face of women or spraying semen all over a woman’s face? That is definitely not a turn for me. I have watched pornography though, on my own and with partners (With one partner we ended up throwing away all the videos because I started over analyzing the scenes) A friend once gave me some lesbian porn which I thought was incredibly erotic (I tell you I was sad to give those DVDs back). I have also researched some women friendly porn videos – shot by women and for the woman’s gaze, so designed to please women. No sperm shots here.

Sex toys – I love sex toys! Really I don’t have much to say on the subject except the rabbit is the best invention ever. Tip for the ladies – when you and your partner are having sex doggy style hold the ears of the rabbit against your clit. You will have the best orgasm of your life ever! At least, that always works for me.

Nana Darkoa