Guest Contributor Ms X on that time of the month

It’s the week before my period and I am so freakin’ horny. It is not even funny!

I think about sex all of the bloody time (and Nana reading your blog is not helping at all).Everything I see a hot looking guy I wonder what he will be like in the sack. Have you ever wondered what it will be like to do one of those hot looking, muscular fishermen on the beach? We don’t need to have a conversation just some hot steamy sex…Who says only men have sex on the brain?

Not So Random Questions...

I’m taking inspiration from Anti Rhythm and posing my own not so Random Questions...

• Is there always a “certain level” of sexual attraction between male and female friends?
• Is it possible to sleep with a friend and retain your friendship?
• F**k Buddies, for or against?
• What’s your favourite sexual act?
• Where’s the best place to have sex?
• What is your favourite sexual position?

The Reluctant Celibate

I am no fan of abstinence although I completely understand the reasons why so many of my sisters (yes I am excluding the brothers) strive to abstain from sex. I have heard the arguments in favour of abstinence and I think they are all entirely valid except when it comes to yours truly. A male friend once told me about the value of abstinence and I so got him. Yes, you take time to know the girl, your relationship is not clouded by sex, by the time you have sex it doesn’t matter what your penis size is...all very valid arguments. From the perspective of my women friend it’s usually about the milk and cow theory (thank you NY). From the perspective of both men and women striving to abstain from sex it is usually about their faith.

So if I am buying none of the above reasons why have I found myself a very reluctant celibate? Oh there is a multiplicity of reasons. I found out that my buddy was cheating on me with multiple women. (Is it possible for a buddy to cheat on you? Does the very nature of the buddy relationship mean that you have no right to expect exclusive rights to your buddy’s body?) Virtually all the guys I find myself attracted to are already in relationships and I really do not fancy being a bit on the side? I do not meet guys I fancy (unless they fall into the “already taken” bracket). I am not interested in being bought hence no interest in the milk and cow rationale. I could go on and on...

What’s a girl to do when she is a reluctant celibate?

Guest Contributor Miss A on Giving in to Temptation

This post is an update to a previous post by Guest Contributor Miss A

“Our Father…” I’ve been praying incessantly lately. “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done…” I’ve been praying fervently, morning and night. “Forgive us our sins…” It’s the sins that need forgiving that have brought on this repetition of prayer.

Our God is all seeing and omnipresent, but I’m really hoping (praying) that He did not see me between the hours of 9pm on June 6 and 1pm on June 7 2009. For in those sixteen hours I sinned. Again and again and again.

I only have myself to blame. It didn’t need to happen; I invited the man over. We didn’t need to fall in to bed (we had the option of first lying in the hot sexy-scented bubble bath instead). As God is my witness (and I really hope He didn’t witness), I did try to resist Temptation.

Now, if you’ve read my previous blog entry, you’d know that following a traumatic break up and taking God on as the only ‘Man’ for me now and forever more, I decided to abstain for a twelve month period. Men were bad news, I concluded. Sex was pure evil and the reason for the chain of crap choices otherwise known as my life. After thirteen years of being enthusiastically sexually active, I was going to give up giving it up. Yes Siree, Ms A was born again.

The plan was to work on me and develop new interests. That was going smoothly until Temptation walked into my life, showed immense interest and planned to work on me. I was doing so well too. It had been four months since I’d last had sex (before this my personal record was four weeks). I was committed to following through. Only another eight long months to go. Problem was Temptation was so tempting. The ease in which we talked;

“Hi”

“What you up to?”

“Nuthin’”

“Ok. Whatya doin’ tomorrow?”

“Nuthin’”

“Ok. See ya.”

The ease in which his young 24 year-old body pressed neatly onto my 31 year-old wanton frame, all equalled lust-filled torture for me. After six weeks I had many conversations with God, trying to get Him to see that sex shouldn’t be classed as a sin, but rather accepted as an earthly need, just like food. I mean, we all know about the health and fitness benefits of having regular intercourse, so really sex is good for our survival. But religious and biological arguments aside, I had a more pressing problem to deal with but once it was pressed into me, it no longer seemed a problem.

So there you have it. After five and a half months of celibacy, I allowed myself to succumb to the seductive techniques of a non-complicated, purely sexy marketing student that I have little in common with. On paper it’s all wrong, but in bed it was all right. Very right in fact. I’ve never indulged in a younger lover before, waving them off as likely to be too inexperienced. But I’ve discovered that what they lack in experience, they make up for in enthusiasm and lots of energy. As a student Temptation takes his learning seriously and he carried this ethos with him into the bedroom. Now by my very nature I’m body shy. Pre-children I’ll be as bold as to say I had a bikini model body, washboard stomach included. But my wonderful children took it upon themselves to leave a smattering of stretch marks on my stomach – a permanent reminder that they ‘waz here’, in my body, like a signature carving in a tree trunk left by starry-eyed lovers. And as a result of months of breastfeeding two hungry guzzlers, my once bouncy pair hang forlorn wondering where the bounce went and if it would ever return. Now when you’re married to the man who assisted in causing this transformation, it’s ok to just ‘get on with it’. After all it was his fatal attraction to me that led to the fatality of my beauty and youth. But I’ve returned to singledom and it’s tough to know if a future partner will be so forgiving of my flaws.

Strangely enough, none of these issues seemed to be a problem for me or my new lover. Intermittently when I’d ask, “Do you like it?” without hesitation he’d respond, “I love it.” That night he became a connoisseur of my curves, considerate, appreciative and eager to please.

He’s since told me that our night together was the best sex he’s ever had. Before me, he’d only ever known the missionary position, yet what we did that night would only shock missionaries – and many others. As great as it was, I’m not planning on making a habit of it. The guilt of sinning weighs heavy on my heart.

When I was with my husband I was extremely self-conscious never believing he found me sexy. With clever lighting and positioning, I’d stage manage our lovemaking. With my new lover, I didn’t make such an effort. So it came as a great surprise to finally know that sexiness really is a state of mind, pert bouncy teen-tits and smooth skin, purely optional.

HIV/AIDS: The Dreaded Test and Why You Should Get Tested

I got my results from Medlab today...I had gone into the lab last Thursday and requested for a "fasting blood sugar" and HIV test. This is the third HIV test I have taken in my life and each time I have had several "mini deaths" whilst waiting for the results. I am one of those people whose mind often races to the worst case scenario and I kept thinking "What am I going to do if the result is positive?", "Will I become an HIV/AIDS activist?", "Will I blog about being HIV positive", "I will have to tell men who fancy me that I am HIV positive...which will result in no men fancying me" and on and on and on...

So I open the envelope and "Yes!!! It's a negative result". Now you may be wondering why I was so nervous and I will tell you:

1. There is no such thing as safe sex, there is only safer sex which can be achieved with the use of the female/male condom.
2. Do you ever get to a stage where you trust your partner enough not to use a condom? You're using birth control (of some sort) and not bothered about pregnancy?
3. Does he ever play around before rolling on a condom?
4. Have you ever discovered that the person you thought you were having "exclusive" sex with has also been sleeping with Ama, Amina and Ayesha?

Okay, those were more questions than statements but hopefully that gives you an inkling into my nervousness. My next partner is going to have to show me a negative HIV result before he gets anywhere near me.

Other thoughts/questions are springing into my mind: Is it the responsibility of HIV positive people to declare their status to partners or should we all be responsible for our own sexual behaviour? Why did I think that I should become an HIV/AIDS advocate if I was positive? Am I not an advocate already, or maybe I need to become a better advocate?

From my basic knowledge on HIV/AIDS I want to share the following tips:

• It takes at least 3 months for the HIV virus to show on your test results so if you got your HIV negative results today for e.g. all this means is that you were HIV negative on the 8th of March.
• Most people spreading the virus are those who have not had HIV tests so do not know know their status.
• It is important to do an HIV test regularly so you know your baseline - if you became positive at a future date, it would be helpful to know the period within which you contracted the virus.
• Women are more susceptible to HIV.
• Marriage is a risk factor for women where HIV is concerned.
• Women bear more of the "costs" associated with HIV - caring for the sick for e.g.

Need I say "Go get tested?"

Your thoughts?

P.S: Of course sex is not the only way to contract HIV

Double standards around sexualities?

Are there double standards around men and women's sexualities? How true is this in Ghana and Africa? Why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? How does society respond when a man cheats? How is this response different when a woman cheats? Just a few of the questions I have posed on my fellow blogger's Ms Cleland's site at http://maameous.blogspot.com/

Let me know your thoughts

Guest Contributor Ms A on Celibacy, Temptation and Sex

It's been four months, one week and two days. I've been craving, having vivid dreams, praying, begging God to make the months move a little faster. God, has it only been four months, one week and two days?

It's been four months, one week and two days. I can't believe that I've done it. It's been four months one week and two days, I can't believe I'm still doing it. I feel a sense of achievement, blended with a sense of loss and grief. Simple, senseless, self torture. It's been four months, one week and two days since I last had sex or more accurately since my husband left me and I decided to abstain from sex. (Come to think of it, I haven't had it for more than four months , but you never really make a mental note of the last time you bedded your husband when your whole world is crumbling around your ears.)

Now for some people, not having sex may not seem like a big deal. But for me, a person who's enjoyed it and has been a willing, proactive participant for more than fifteen years this is a huge deal. For years, I depended on sex like an alcoholic depends on his daily poison of choice. Without sex, I'd get depressed, irritable and downright unpleasant to be with. My husband and I at our peak had sex every single day for years. At our worst, once every two weeks. Sex is a big deal.

So why put myself through this? I wanted clarity. I wanted to fix my head and my heart by denying my body. Above all, I wanted to be a better Christian; learn to focus on other things. Enjoy pure, wholesome relationships. Yep, I was turning over a new chapter in my life. My husband had consumed me for thirteen years of my young life. Sex had consumed us even more so. What better way to move on than to turn my back on the very things that had become a crutch. Oh yes, freedom and new beginnings...

Then walks in Temptation. Minding my own business on a night out with the girls, a guy spots me. I ignore him. He walks over. I ignore him. He talks. I ignore him. He really talks and smiles. Oh that smile. I pretend to ignore him. We kiss. I can't ignore him.

I've vowed to stay celibate for one year. That's twelve months, 365 days and google tells me a total of 8766 whole hours! I've abstained for four months, one week and two days. I have seven months, three weeks and five days remaining.

But Temptation is here now and he's dressed so smartly, and smells so delicious. And that smile, oh that smile...

FGM and Sex: Does sex ever become pleasurable?

I am so thrilled! I just read in Pambazuka of the first hospital in Burkina Faso, “The Pleasure Hospital” that is reconstructing clitorises for women who have been subjected to female genital mutilation. Since I started thinking seriously about women’s rights to pleasurable sex and sexuality I have always wondered about women who have been FGM’d. Do they have pleasurable sex?

I have read a few books by African women who have suffered from the practice. Those that readily come to mind include Aman’s autobiography, Aryan Hirsi’s Infidel and Waris Dirie’s Desert Flower. If I remember correctly Dirie is critical of the practice, Hirsi wrote eloquently about the torture she and her sister underwent in the name of culture and Aman refused to criticise or condone FGM. These books informed me about the pain that women who have suffered FGM go through during menstruation, intercourse and childbirth yet still let me wondering, “Do they ever get to a stage where sex becomes pleasurable?”

Does anyone know whether sex can be pleasurable if your clitoris has been cut off/excised/infibulated? I am very conscious that I am at this point thinking of vaginal/clitoral sex and not much broader…

Dating a sexuality blogger?

How soon shall I tell a guy (who is interested in me) that I blog about sex and sexuality?

Sometimes the subject of blogging never comes up at all yet there have been three occasions where people have come up to me and either said "I love your blog", are you the same "Nana Darkoa who writes Adventures" or "I found your blog through google".

One of my fellow bloggers (male) told me some time ago that I should't tell a guy I have just met that I blog about sex. I think his concern was that I might get a stalker... @fellow male blogger, correct me if I am wrong.

I find that I often tell African women to check out my blog as I consciously write for women but rarely tell men to check out my blog. My concern in telling a man about my blog would be the assumptions he will make about me and I suspect those assumptions may not be all that flattering. I would hate for someone to read my blog and assume that I am going to have sex with them or that I am loose. On the other hand there is a part of me that doesn't give a toss what the majority of people think about me. I reckon that those who matter will take me just as I am.

So what are your thoughts? Ladies if you were me, in the natural conversation you have with guys who fancy you would you casually mention the blog on sexuality you contribute to or would you wait until you got to know the individual a lot better? Gentlemen, what would you think if you met a woman you fancied and she contributed to this blog?

Good Girls don't have sex if...

Good girls don’t have sex if they want to get married or have a relationship. I think Emz who commented on the previous post hit the nail on the head when she said, that’s “the African Woman’s Conundrum”. I think it’s even more of a conundrum because most women intellectually know that having sex does not equate badness yet through personal experience some women have had to make the decision that if what they want is a relationship or marriage then they cannot sleep with this attractive, good looking man even if he is the one they want the relationship/marriage with. In fact, especially if he is that man.

Recently I was having dinner with a group of girlfriends (I have realised that a lot of my posts are inspired by conversations with women) and as usual the conversation turned to men and relationships. (Can I go off track here? I seriously think women spend TOO much time talking and thinking about men. It’s ridiculous. I am convinced men do not spend one-tenth of the time we spend talking about them, talking about us). Personally I had hoped that for women in their thirties this issue of “not giving it up” would no longer be an issue. I had hoped that women could decide to have safe, consensual sex with whomever they want to have sex with without waiting for a set period (in order to pass the goodness test). I had hoped that men no longer judged women by how long they took to “give it up”. Even that phrase “giving it up” is highly problematic. If sex which should be a consensual act between two individuals is often thought of as an act which one gives up and the other takes then that is where the problem starts.

Back to this dinner with my girls; over the starters and main course we updated one another on our lives and by default on our relationships/lack of relationships/complicated relationships and I found to my growing surprise that by the time dinner ended three of my girlfriends had decided not to have sex until...One girlfriend decided to abstain for a year and another joined her in solidarity. The third girl stated (I later found out that I had misquoted her slightly on the previous post – but the meaning is the same), “Why would you want to pay for the cow when you are getting the milk for free”. Oh and by the way there were only four girls at the dinner table.

Now even though I was the only girl/woman who did not sign up to not having sex until...I can understand where my sisters were coming from. My conversation with this particular group of girls is an echo of other conversations I have had, experiences I have heard about and books I have read. Experience appears to have taught a significant amount of women that if you want to be in a relationship then you better not give up the pussy too soon because the man would either:

1. Bounce because sex wasn’t that great or
2. Want to continue having sex with you but not want to formalise the relationship.
   

Darian in a comment on the previous post spoke about the inherent hypocrisy in these double standards. These rules of sex = bad girl only apply to women. The reason for this is summed up in the word oft quoted by feminists, “patriarchy”.

I for one do not want to be in a relationship with anyone who is narrow minded enough to judge me based on whether I have sex with that individual within 24 hours or 365 days.

Your thoughts?

Nana Darkoa

P.S: Nana Yaw, I have heard about re-virginisation through Marie Claire and other publications but do not have a great deal to say on the subject in this particular post. Sorry.

What shall I blog on next?

There are so many posts I want to write and I don’t know which one to focus on next so I am taking votes through your comments:

1. Shall I write on sex during your period – in this post I want to explore the notion of taboo and sex whilst menstruating.

2. Good Girls don’t have sex if they want to get married or have a relationship – in a recent conversation with some of my girls many of them said they had decided not to have sex for some time. As one of them said and I paraphrase “why would you want to pay for the cow when you already have it for free”.

3.Sex and the new media – I have no idea how this will pan out but I am very interested in new/social media and I am wondering whether this is having any impact on relationships and sex.

4.I will be visiting a sex shop when I travel (to the US) next week. So wanted to write a post on what else there is beyond vibrators (or at least the Rabbit). I seem to be obsessed with Mr V and surely there is a wider world of sex toys out there.

Is there anything else you would like me to write on?

Nana Darkoa

To Vibrate or not to Vibrate: The merits of Mechanical versus Manual Stimulation

Shane asked on a post some weeks ago if I could write a post on the merits of Mechanical versus Manual Stimulation so here goes...

For me pleasurable sex is all about my clit. Seriously, you cannot go wrong by paying a little (or a lot of) attention to my clitoris; however you can definitely go wrong when you head straight for the clit as part of foreplay (which really for me is main play. The reason is I prefer for my clit to be touched when I am wet is... a dry pussy/clit and manual stimulation does not go well at all! I really like it when (after I have been sufficiently aroused) my clit is rubbed to the point of orgasm and in this type of scenario I prefer my lover to use his fingers. Somehow, it is more intimate.

However, bringing some mechanical stimulation (a vibrator...sorry Pen Powder) into the bed definitely adds a little extra va va voom. For one, it guarantees an orgasm when you are having sex in a position where your clit is not easily stimulated. I am thinking here of the proverbial doggy style. So your lover is f***king you from behind and when you are ready to come you just hold the ears of the Rabbit against your clit. Trust me this is a great result for both of you. He gets to feel you orgasm whilst he is still inside you (all the tremors, shaking, etc) and you have a great orgasm.

Before I acquired my first vibrator I would touch myself with just my finger when masturbating but after I discovered Mr V (which is what I call my vibrator), nine times out of ten I just use Mr V. What I have realised is that Mr V guarantees an orgasm but sometimes it is just too quick, whereas if you are using your finger somehow the process is longer and so the pleasure also lasts longer.

On the other hand there are times when Mr V is just not available and so I re-discover the joys of manual stimulation...trips abroad and being horny in the workplace are just two of the scenarios that come to mind. I have never been able to travel with my vibrator, I just have a fear that a customs officer will manually search my luggage and say “Now what do we have here?”

What are your thoughts on manual versus mechanical stimulation?


Nana Darkoa

Abstinence in a sex obsessed world?

A post on abstinence on a blog that seeks to provide a space for African women to share tips, experiences and more... Well, why not? When I read the request to write a post on abstinence I had to laugh. I laughed because I haven’t ever made a conscious decision to practice abstinence and frankly I do not want to be celibate. I have had conversations with one of my friends on the subject of abstinence several times but I don’t really feel like celibacy is for me.

I suspect that there are a variety of reasons why people practice abstinence. One of my girlfriends is celibate at the moment because her last relationship ended a few months ago. In a conversation with another girl a couple of months ago she mentioned to me that she has been celibate since her last relationship broke up – her reason was to develop a closer spiritual relationship with God so it was out with everything sexual – no kissing, vibrators, nothing.


According to my dear friend Abena (and fellow collaborator on this blog) the only thing worse than no sex is bad sex...

I am very curious about abstinence though and because I do not have a great deal of knowledge or insight on the subject I am going to pose a series of questions aimed at people who practice celibacy or abstain from sex. I hope you can provide some answers to so we can learn more together:

• What do you do when you feel horny?
• How long have you been celibate for?
• How do you experience your sexuality?
• Have you had sex before?
• What are you looking forward to the most when you next have sex?
• Do you know anyone who is celibate?
• Is it better to abstain from sex than to have bad sex?
  
  Nana Darkoa

Sex education for adults?

Today I delivered a guest lecture to students at a 6th form college and one of them came up to me and said "Are you the same person who writes on the blog Adventures from"? My response was of course "Yes" but it got me thinking...

A fellow blogger was saying to me a few days ago that I should designate my blog as an adult site. He made me laugh because he was like "I can't read about that...", "you can't read about what exactly"? was my response. He replied "you know what I mean, don't drill me". I laughed because he did not even want to mention the word sex. I understood though, there is a huge silence when it comes to sex. The silence is even more deafening when you move outside what is expected to be the norm, when you consider diverse sexualities, when you focus on pleasureable sex for women and when you advocate for comprehensive sex education.

So back to the student who had read my blog. I asked him after the lecture, "So, how old are you?", "17" he responded. "I am only asking because you read my blog". "I shall be 18 this year" was his response as he headed off to the next college activity.

Hmm, plenty for me to think about. When I started this blog I had as my target audience women, primarily African women. I hadn't thought of an age bracket though, but if I had envisaged one I would have said 20+. What I have realised though is I have quite a few male readers and it appears some young readers too. In my mind this can only be a good thing. Afterall young people have access to porn, right wing thought and some pretty scary information on the net. I think of my blog as Sex education for adults. One of my friends though said it's porn.

What are your thoughts? Is this blog sex education for adults? Porn? A site for African women to share experiences? (my initial mission) Is this site suitable for teenagers? Should it be? Should I designate it as an adult site?

Guest Blogger Ms Money Penny: Love your body and have great sex!

The quality of sex you have with your lover/partner can be greatly improved by the amount of self confidence you have which comes from amongst other things, loving your body.

I personally can share a few experiences.
It is not that I didn’t love my body in the past; it is just that I didn’t really pay much attention.

As the years have gone by and various things have happened I have paid more attention to my body, negatives and positives and listened to what various lovers, male friends and acquaintances have had to say about me. Honestly, I wish I had maximized my assets when I was younger, however it is never too late to start afresh.

As a result of my new found self- appreciation, I am more confident, feel sexy most of the time and dress accordingly.

My lover senses this air of confidence and sexiness and this translates into fantastic love-making sessions. Also, because we don’t take ourselves too seriously (we are not performing for the camera) we laugh after our prolonged moaning and groaning and I am not self-conscious about walking naked in from of him.

In summary, no matter the hang-ups we may have about our bodies, we should work with what we have and be happy. Not only will we feel great, but we will have better sex and that has got to be a good thing.

Ms Money Penny

Sex outside the bedroom

Over dinner and drinks with my girlfriends yesterday the subject turned to men and sex. In terms of our sexual "tastes" the menu was diverse. There was of course:

1. The "sex and sexuality blogger", yours truly
2. The " I've got to have it two times a day", at least and "Oh, I have whole body orgasms"
3. The " I really can't be bothered about sex"
4. The "I love to play" and I'm heading to the sex shop soon with my current playmate for some toys
5. The "I love sex but not having any" since my relationship ended

What are your sexual tastes? One of my girlfriend's gave us a good laugh when she told us about having sex in a car on the Sphintex road (now for all my international readers, Sphintex is probably one of the busiest and most congested roads in Accra). We were all just thinking "You are so lucky that you did not get caught by the police". Has anybody been caught having sex in public by the law or anyone else?

That got me thinking, outside the bedroom where have you had your most risque sexual encounters? As usual I shall start with myself.

• On the veranda of the Busua Beach Resort
• In a car parked in the driveway of my home
• In a car parked in the yard of my lover's house (I notice there's a car theme emerging here), I obviously need to become more adventurous

Do add your own list to the comments field.

Nana Darkoa

Guest Blogger Ms MoneyPenny on "Making Love versus Having Sex"

I met Dark Skinned Brother (DSB) on a night out with friends and immediately our conversation was underpinned with sexual undertones.

He was confident, strong, bold and very sexy. His voice always got to me…..deep and velvety smooth…

There were times when we made love and it was beyond the physical……
Sometimes we fucked, fast and furious, satisfying the animal urges within us.
We had sex in public places, laughing throughout the whole experience and sometimes we just hugged and slept in each other’s arms.

The lesson I learnt from my relationship with DSB was that when you are in tune with someone, on all levels of human existence (which we were), it doesn’t matter what kind of sex you have. You will always feel fulfilled and satisfied …

Ms Moneypenny

Happy International Women's Day!

In a few minutes it will be International Women's Day (that's assuming you live in the same time zone as I do). On this day I wish for all women:

1. The right to safer sex


2. The right to an orgasm. Heck! the right to multiple orgasms...


3. The right to let go of all cultural and social taboos that restrict and limit women's sexualities

Nana Darkoa

The Vagina Monologues: Ghana style

Yesterday, myself and two of my girlfriends watched a production of The Vagina Monologues at the Efua Sutherland Theatre, University of Ghana, Legon. I was keen to watch the production, especially because The Vagina Monologues was banned in Uganda. I do not know the official reason given for the ban but I do recognise that some African states prevent women from openly speaking up about their sexuality (read Vagina in the case of The Vagina Monologues) so i felt really excited that in Ghana we can openly watch The Vagina Monolgues.

One of the most interesting portions of the monologue was when the women demonstrated the various sounds they make when climaxing. There was "Oh, oh, ooh, ooooh,ooooohhhh", there was "Ah ahhhh, ahhhh, eiiiii"... there was even a machine gun sounding climax. Girlfriend A said to me "Do you think people make different sounds depending on their cultural background? For example, in some countries women do not make a sound when they are giving birth and in others they do". Now this was a question I have no answer to so I am asking you my beloved readers. Personally I tend to be fairly quiet during sex until I get really excited but I have also learnt that the moans are useful feedback for your lover. If you do not moan when you are enjoying a particular touch or act how does your lover know to continue?

What are your thoughts?

Nana Darkoa

Let’s talk about love: well, love making

Love making, sex, shagging, intercourse, fu*king, boning … do they describe the same act? I would argue not.

For me making love depicts an act of tenderness. I imagine candles, soft music, clean sheets, massage oils and an outpouring of emotion. With making love you have got to be in love with the person you are having ‘sex’ with.

Having sex on the other hand does not need to involve the emotion of love. Sex needs physical attraction, chemistry and lust. The candles, soft music, clean sheets, and massage oil become part of a rationally thought out process … it helps to get you into the mood.

What’s your preference and why? Love making or sex?

Nana Darkoa

P.S: This blog is submitted as part of my contribution to Ghana Blogging's universal posting day. I have really struggled to write this. I really do not have much to say about love. Now if the topic was 'Let's talk about sex', I would have been truly inspired:)